Tag Archives: Women

What Women Want

5 Feb

Gunfire is illegal, so here’s a poem in celebration of Valentine’s Day.

 

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

What do women want, dude?

I’ll tell you!

Kill the black widow spider

Smash the horse fly

Wrestle that ’gator in yonder lake

Slice the venom-spitting snake.

 

Pulverize the prowler

In one Superman swoop,

No spurting blood

No cracking bones

Do it nice, don’t tell me how

No messes, but do it now.

 

What do women want, dude?

I’ll tell you!

Purr like a kitten, tiger

Dance the Howdy Doody

Rock ‘n Roll me with violins,

Shower me with mortal sins.

 

Sail me love letters

In my alphabet soup

Stir it hard,

Use your imagination,

Be a prince, show some stately grace,

Valentine me with diamonds and lace.

 

What do women want, dude?

Most of all?

At least try to enthrall,

A dozen red roses, pricks and all.

Available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

©2012, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

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Blog Her 2011

1 Aug

Over 3,000 attendees (mostly women) – “I am woman, hear me blog!”

Blog Her 2011!

Thank You Mirth Mother!

16 Dec

THANK YOU ERMA!


Andrews McMeel Publishing

We baby boomers share a common “Mirth Mother” in beloved humorist and best selling author Erma Bombeck.

We were weaned on Erma’s wise and witty columns via newspaper clippings that our mothers proudly posted on the refrigerator door (this served as a blog in ancient times.)

While many of our mothers were marginalized by stunted cultural expectations and a crying lack of opportunity, Erma broke through those prickly barriers of her day with brilliant humor and unforgettable humanity to provide Mom with a powerful voice and much needed comic relief.

Sweetly subversive and hot damn hilarious, Erma poked enormous fun at the absurdity of women’s lives yet clearly valued parenting, marriage, and the vital importance for us all to fulfill our potential.

photo credit: Heidiclaire.blogspot.com

Erma epitomized “The One Who Does It All” – successful career, happy family – not to mention fame and fortune – all while being incredibly funny and (genuinely) nice. No small feat, but a worthy goal!

Let us thank “Erma Bombeck, Mirth Mother“ for blessing us with the inspiration, the role model and the legacy of laughter.  (Now sit up straight and stop chewing with your mouth open!)

Barb Best, 2010 Erma Bombeck Global Humor Winner

Erma Bombeck Museum

Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop

What Me Worry?

3 Dec

Credit: cbs.com

* Pray tell, do I have gingivitis and not even know it?

"Where's Waldo?"

*If bovine flatulence causes climate change, will new global regulations cause the price of Camembert to escalate idiotically?

IledeFrancecheese.com

Don’t mooch my cheese!

Arrrggh!

How do I know there isn’t a flesh-eating virus copulating madly on my TV remote?

Why do the firming qualities of almond butter and avocado paste sadly elude me?

How do you know your terminally cranky mail carrier doesn’t have critical “mental health issues?”

Why is my little sister dating a pig farmer she met on the Internet when she doesn’t even eat pork?

For sale:Iamshopping.com

How come you can never find a Bozo Bop Bag to kick the crapola out of when you really need one?

Lock those lips!

Why isn’t there LIFELOCK for LIPS – “LIPLOCK?“

Who doesn’t need a service to prevent that dastardly faux pas or grossly insensitive remark that we occasionally blurt out in precarious social situations like the office holiday party or Thanksgiving dinner with the snobby in-laws?

For Sale at coffee.org

I may be full of Arabica beans, but what the blue blazes is the point of decaffeinated breakfast blend?

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