Tag Archives: Twitter

The Scarlet Letter

19 Feb
Credit: theknot.com.au

Credit: theknot.com.au

In Scrabble, the letter “F” merits a respectable four points. There are only two “F” tiles in the game set, which makes the number of words you can form with the letter “F” relatively limited.

In the real world, the “F” word is everywhere.

In the evolution of the English language, when did “Oh, darn!” become  “Oh, Fu#!” What happened to “friggin?” When did “fudge” deteriorate into “Fu#!”?

When did “take the F train” become “take the ‘Fu#!-ing’ train?”

When did dropping the F-bomb so casually become the status quo?

“F” used to convey a meaning of failure.  A rude, red “F” on a spelling quiz or a math exam would elicit disappointment, or at the least – some extra homework.  Now, “F” means “Fantastic! Fabulous! Good effort! You’re gifted.“

Thank you, Adam Mansbach for your mega bestseller, “Go The F**k To Sleep.”

I’m writing a new book entitled “Stop hurling the “F” word every five seconds because you’re coarsening the language and culture. Plus it’s lazy and boring!”

At some point, talking like a truck driver became cooler than driving a truck.  But like carbon emissions, sulfur dioxide, and lead, “F” contributes to air pollution.

We expect a liberal use of the “F” word from sailors, soldiers, pimps, graffiti artists, New Jersey housewives, Vice Presidents, and F-list stand-up comics, but not from role models or mommy bloggers.

Overheard at the dinner table:

Ten year old daughter:  “Mommy uses the “F” word on her blog!”

Hubs (to Mom):  “You do?”

Mom:  “No, of course not. Well, sometimes, but -”

Daughter:  “You shouldn’t say ‘butt’ either.”

Mom:  “Sweetheart, I’m a writer. I have poetic license.”

Daughter:  “I saw the “F” word twice on your last post.”

Hubs:  “Great. I hope my parents don’t read your blog.”

Daughter:  “And she says it on Twitter ALL the time!”

Hubs:  “Geez…”

Mom:  “Well, you know, everyone else does it…”

Daughter:  “In CAPS. On Twitter. That’s like yelling it.”

Mom:  “It’s for dramatic effect.  I’m using the vernacular. Look it up, honey.”

Daughter:  “In the dictionary?”

Mom:  “Just Google it. V-E-R-”

Daughter:  “Never mind, Mommy. Fu#!” it!”

*****

What do you think?

My New Year RIDS-olutions!

2 Jan

Good luck, honey!

  1. I will downsize. This will involve donating 25 years + of crap (nonsense, rubbish, junk) that I no longer use and not getting new crap (nonsense, rubbish, junk). Clutter (see “crap”) is not only “stuck energy” – it is a real hassle to dust.
  2. I will rid myself of the tendency to complain, whine, and kvetch. Gee, this is so hard to do… Whaa! Whaa! Whaa! OMG, what will I write about? Whaaaa!
  3. No matter how compelling the separation issues may be, the laptop and cell phone will not be taken into the bathroom. Too many close calls (get it? calls?)
  4. I will try not to stoop to the level of cheap puns and scatological humor (unless, of course, it amuses me and tickles the dog).
  5. I will stop harboring the desire to eat an entire double-decker box of dark chocolate covered cherries in one sitting unless I’m given a month to live or have really bad PMS, then all bets are off.
  6. However captivating it is to my Twitter followers, I will not tweet inappropriately from (i.e. nice restaurants, children’s birthday parties, business meetings, dental appointments, bed, car accidents, funerals, etc.). Social propriety trumps the compulsion to provide non-stop yuks (often at the expense of loved ones) to total strangers.
  7. I will stop using the Lord’s name (and the Duggars) in vain. Amen.
  8. When dressed in exercise clothes, I will actually make a serious effort to go to the gym and exercise.
  9. I will stop considering french fries “vegetables” and strawberry licorice “fruit.”
  10. I will not pull on my cuticles and shred them like confetti, no matter how dry they are or how excruciatingly boring the meeting/conversation/TV show is.

Minus 12 Grams Fiber

Photo Blast

1 Nov

Shoe store, West Village

westvillage

"I'll have what she's wearing!"

The city never sleeps…

Sweet Dreams

Doggie Daycare, Greenwich Village

They'll be here soon!

Sign, Washington Square Park

Beware of lawyers!

Intersection, Beverly Hills

BeverlyHills

Name dropper!

Heaven

©2011, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. Direct questions regarding permissions to barbsblast@gmail.com

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Blog Her 2011

1 Aug

Over 3,000 attendees (mostly women) – “I am woman, hear me blog!”

Blog Her 2011!

Beware April Fool!

31 Mar

Beware!  April Fool’s Day!

 

Like a broken cuckoo clock, even paranoids are right some of the time.

But April 1st is a day when people are out to get you.  (Heh. Heh. I may be one of them…)

Fool’s Day is observed throughout the Western world and has the potential of booming BIG on the internet.  Can you say “viral?”

Of course, trying to get people to believe ridiculous things is a favorite practice every day of the year with some.  As we know, politicians and lawyers thrive on spin, prevarication and bold-faced lying.  Unfortunately they lack the “fun” factor.

 

Check your Twitter feed and FB page for breaking news: “Bigfoot Captured” “Justin Bieber Pregnant” “American Idol Winner Busted” “Charlie Sheen Shuts Up” “Gaga Rocks AARP Convention” “Statue of Liberty Sold on eBay”

Set your radar high.  Be suspicious. Look over your shoulder. Or, better yet – beat them to it. Get creative. Come on, have some fun and “Punk” someone!

AshtonKutcherBarbsBlast

Smooch!

 

FYI Aston Kutcher:  you may punk me anytime.

They (whoever they are) say, “Only a fool plays it cool.” Especially on April 1st – every prankster’s favorite day!

Photo Credit: Techcrunch

Fun To Follow

22 Mar

Some comic gems in the stream of Twitter twaddle:


@finslippy

Smart & Sassy

@onerebelmom

Award Winning Humorist

@MarinkaNYC

NYC Clever

@mollydcampbell

Funny Empty Nester

@HotComesToDie

Twitter profile Suzy Soro

Entertaining & Ballsy Comedy

Join in on the fun! And follow me @HaBarb!

@HaBarb1

Ha!

Malibu Beach Break

21 Mar

“April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain.”T.S. Eliot

B.S. to you T.S.  April is a peep show for wimps. March is the meanest month of all.

marshmallow peeps

March sucks. There is the promise of spring, and yet… it’s MIA. The bees ain’t buzzing and the flowers ain’t blooming nowhere. Our hearts skip a pitiful little beat when we glimpse a faint suggestion of sun peeking out from a Prozac gray sky, then it rains nonstop for a week.

You know you’re buckling under the stress when you succumb to severe crankiness with loved ones (even the dog) night sweats, dry scalp, asymmetrical eyelid twitching, ice pick headaches, email dysfunction, and rectal bleeding.

basset hound

Bitch!

Desperate for a frigging break from brutal winter weather, windchill whippings, bad ass storms, worldwide wars, Tsunami grief, Facebook flacks, Twitter twaddle, Charlie Sheen, and the joy numbing drudgery that is daily life?

You need a day at the beach, friends!

Here is a short beach break to replenish your spirit:

Titters on Twitter

20 Mar

So why doesn’t Twitter have a laugh track?

Click for Comedy

20 Mar
twitter

@HaBarb

Twitter is a great way for humor blogs to send links to funny videos.

@HaBarb tweet

Click for Comedy

GAGA for JAPAN

19 Mar

Help Tsunami Relief

Lady Gaga on Twitter:
@ladygaga Lady Gaga
I Designed a Japan Prayer Bracelet. Buy It/Donate here and ALL proceeds will go to Tsunami Relief Efforts. Go Monsters: http://bit.ly/f0aYwZ
GAGAHELPJAPAN

Donate to Tsunami Relief

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