Tag Archives: Television

Meredith Baxter Journey

3 Oct

“A witty memoir of Family, Fame, and Floundering”

Crown Publishing

Guess what?  This book is funny, frank, and fascinating!

Untied shares Meredith’s story of triumph over profound personal challenges – troubled childhood, devastating marriages, alcoholism, breast cancer, and coming out as a lesbian – on national TV – fairly late in life.  You will be inspired!

Read an excerpt from Meredith’s memoir at Oprah.com

You can buy Untied at Amazon

Watch Meredith Baxter on “The Joy Behar Show”

Besides being a much beloved and highly accomplished actress, Meredith is a sought-after public speaker on surviving the experiences of breast cancer, substance abuse and overcoming domestic violence.

She founded “The Meredith Baxter Fund for Breast Cancer Research” and works on behalf of the CLARE Foundation.

Barb's Blast Humor Blog

10-2-11

For her work on the 1994 Lifetime TV movie “My Breast,” she received a special award for public awareness from the National Breast Cancer Coalition.

PhotoCredit: Barb Best

Barb & Meredith

Untied at Amazon

Photo Credit: Barb Best

Special thanks to Reva Solomon and The West Hollywood Book Fair.

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Facebook Dudes

16 Aug

Friends!

You gotta have friends. Song lyrics do not lie.

As an enthusiastic member of the booming Facebook community, you undoubtedly receive numerous, if not hundreds (or thousands if you have a super sexy photo) of friend requests.

Frankly, some of these overtures may come from nefarious dudes who are trolling FB for babe pics to add to their “collections.”

Facebook

As the classic New Yorker cartoon by Peter Steiner says: “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.”

True, but there are clues. Look for the red flags. Listen for the “Woof!”

Here are my top 12 Red Flags – what are yours?

  • He is posed proudly in his profile photo wearing a neck brace, a “Star Trek” cap – and no pants.
  • He is smiling creepily in his pic with totally tattooed, ape-hairy arms clasped lustfully around his  a) many motorcycles  b) five teenage wives c) pregnant sister  d) machine gun  e) camel.
  • His photo is a mean, fugly mug shot.  It is embossed with a row of federal I.D. numbers, and the fine print reads “Maximum Security.”
  • He proudly lists among his activities and interests the following:  graffiti, taxidermy, yak farming, farting, and stalking.
  • He claims his favorite TV shows are The View, Oprah!, Rachael Ray, and Ellen.   (Fat chance girlfriend!)

Credit: Ellen DeGeneres Show

  • His FB friends are exclusively lovely women who look amazingly and eerily similar to you.  (Hmmm…  this is no coincidence.)
  • He’s a haggard old geezer, older than your grandfather.
  • He is your grandfather.
  • He spells his name in pig Latin, OR he uses a name that is only initials, i.e. “B.J.”
  • Under “Religion” he proclaims he found God during his first alien abduction.
  • He “Likes” the Charles Manson Music fan page.

Harper Collins Publishers – author of “How To Talk To Girls

http://harpercollins.com/books/How-Talk-Girls/?isbn=9780061709999

Spring Cleaning Time

9 May

Yoo Hoo! It’s that time of year!

YOU KNOW IT’S TIME FOR SPRING CLEANING WHEN…

Creative Commons

Oh goody! Time to clean!

1.      You can write a novel in the dust on your furniture.

2.      The sofa in front of the TV has more food and trash on it than a movie theater floor.

3. Spiders have built cobwebs on your cleaning supplies.

Web Sweet Web

4. The dog won’t rub his keester across your carpet ‘cause it’s so filthy.

Man, you guys are pigs!

5. The crumbs in your kitchen are suspiciously moving across the counter.

DreamWorks SKG

6.  Your boyfriend/husband/significant other/dog has actually changed more than the sheets on your bed.

You missed a smudge...

7.  A & E is begging you to be on their Hoarders TV Show.

8. Even frat boys think it looks messy.

Universal Pictures

9.  You’re receiving harassing phone calls and emails from Martha Stewart.

I'm perfect. You're not. Ha!

10. Mosquitoes are breeding in the puddle by the toilet.

Take a whiff!

Photo Credits: Wikimedia Commons; Martha Stewart 2010 by David Shankbone,

Spiderman, Hoarders A & E TV, IMDb Animal House – Universal Pictures – 1978,

Antz – DreamWorks SKG



Desperate Housewife Boobs

15 Feb

Is Ohio on Mars?

Check out the fun with “Lighten Up” Columnist Dawn Weber & Yours Truly in the Buckeye Lake Beacon newspaper last week…

‘God bless the ‘regular’ folks in Ohio for keeping it real…’

Dawn Weber, proud Ohioan and humor blogger, asked in her “Lighten Up: It’s Time for Quality Reality TV” column (2-5-11) “Where are the regular people? Where are the Ohioans?”

Interestingly, many of them are here in Hollywood working on the shows we love to hate. They are proud that they are from Ohio, but really proud that they left  Ohio. They are tough nuts indeed, with a shrewd eye for entertainment, and bucks are a big reason they are here. (Jerry Springer ring a bell?)

The “achingly beautiful and disgustingly fit” people we must endure on TV are an OCD reflection of the industry’s reverence for the superficial – especially when it comes to women. In L.A. there is a peculiar alien race of ladies over 30 years old with swollen duck lips, fake balloon boobs, and startled looks on their sad faces. They resemble washed up porn stars. (We’ve come a long way baby!)

According to CalorieLab’s “Fattest States 2010” tally, Ohio ranks #13 and California #41. We don’t eat in L.A. – we experience eclectic cuisines in esoteric dining environments. We are not run-of-the mill, garden-variety gluttons – we are foodies. The only sweets we allow ourselves are eye candy – and it’s Halloween every day.

Ms. Weber is correct. There’s enough despair to go around.

In L.A. – where the grass is always greener around the corner at the medical marijuana pharmacy – fat, old and/or ugly people (excluding celebrities) are pretty much spurned, or worse yet pitied. Anyone “ordinary, normal, middle-of-the-road” is dead meat in the fast lane to show business fame and fortune.

Yes, perhaps the state that brought us the exceptional likes of the Wright Brothers, James Thurber, and Erma Bombeck could benefit from a style makeover, but God bless the “regular” folks in Ohio for keeping it real and beautiful.

Lighten up: It’s time for quality, reality TV

2011-02-05 / Editorials & Letters * The Buckeye Lake Beacon

Although I keep trying to forget, it’s winter. Still. So lately I’ve been plopped on the couch like a proper Midwesterner. Watching the boob-tube.

Now that I said “boob,” and I have your attention, I ask you: Where are the regular people? Where are the Ohioans?

All this diversity in entertainment, all these faces in all these different skin tones, yet one thing stays the same – everyone is achingly beautiful and disgustingly fit.

I want to punch them.

As a Buckeye, (State Motto: Eat Your Food – There’s Nothing Else To Do) I’m feeling, well, under-represented. Where are the wrinkles, the paunches, the bellies, the double chins? Where are the split ends, the receding hairlines, the mutts, the American cars, the crappy jobs. Where are any jobs? Do these people work?

Holy Toledo, where are the old people? What have they done to the old people?

Just look at the “Desperate Housewives.” Why so desperate, skinny witches, I mean -ladies? Someone take your Botox docs? Gorgeous little minxes, all of you. Chiseled cheeks, perfect hair, long legs, flat tummies, jutting hipbones…

Us Desperate? Ha!

Hipbones. I remember them from such decades as the 80s.

Want to see a Desperate Housewife? Come visit me in January. Add bored, complaining, housebound kids and 11 piles of laundry. Toss in an elderly parent requiring attention, a rag-tag collection of needy pets and a good 20-lb. stress-induced muffin top.

But it’s not just the nighttime soaps. No, even the reality shows are in on it – “Jersey Shore,“Dancing With the Stars,”Big Brother.” For the most part, the participants in these programs look like they stepped out of fashion magazines…or at least out of high-end brothels.

There are a couple exceptions – for one, ABC’s “The Middle.” Although located in a fictional Indiana, it’s pretty accurate in Mid-America interpretation, with freakishly short Frankie, freakishly tall Mike and their wonderfully weird kids. In a messy, badly decorated, Midwestern house, schlumping through life like the rest of us.

And there’s TVLand’s “Hot In Cleveland,” featuring the usual skinny witches, I mean – supermodel types poking fun at Ohioans. But we can take a joke. Especially since the sitcom also stars a glorious, riotously funny, yay for old people Betty White. The cast may have a laugh at our expense. But they soon find themselves appreciating Midwestern living, just as the Victoria Chase character said in the pilot episode:

“Cleveland: Where everyone is eating. And no one is ashamed!”

Darn straight, Victoria. We are not ashamed, and we won’t be ignored. We are Buckeyes – tough nuts!

Heartland homeys, it’s time to take back the tube and tell Hollyweird: Listen up! We want to see some more “average!” We want hard-working folks living in two story, mill-worker row-houses, with beat-up Fords and a crabby mom who needs her roots done. Kids with messy hair, glued to electronic boxes! A dad scratching himself in front of the Ohio State game! A dog who wets on the floor! Sometimes!

Now THAT’S my house – I mean, some quality, reality television.

Dawn Weber blogs at DAWNLIGHTENUP

Like New Jersey, but land locked?

Charities I’d Like To See

14 Nov

* Habitat for Hummus

Join the movement to salvage the scurrilous reputation of hummus – that much maligned chickpea pigeon poop paste that even rabid goats and war camp detainees won’t suck on if they are starving to death. So what if this trendy excuse for guano isn’t as nutritious as smoked bacon or French onion dip?

I say it’s compost and I say to hell with it!

Bottoms Up!

* MADT – Mothers Against Drunk Texting

This is captain obvious, but we all know how deadly serious this issue is.  Loose lips sink friendships. Friends don’t let friends drink and send.  Don’t just take the keys; take the keywords and the keyboards.  BTW OMG NO TM WEN BLOTTO BOOHOO TYVM

* Save the Nails

This 501(c)3 provides respectable manicures for the truly needy. For those who suffer from the heartbreak of sore, split, chipped, chewed, broken, jagged, anemic pathetic looking fingernails.

For those of you whose horny protrusions at the tips of your gnarly digits barely seem fit for scraping year old chewing gum off the gas station restroom floor, let alone for quality time with your Blackberry.

* The Red Floss

All donations to this health care initiative fund medical research aimed at curing bleeding gums when you floss.  Put an end to the horror you feel when you spit a mouthful of fire engine red blood into your sparkling white bathroom sink.

glub, glub

* The Make A Dish Foundation

A Le Cordon Bleu Chef will come to your home, plop you down in front of the TV with a chilled glass of Chardonnay and a fat jar of cocktail onions, then proceed to your kitchen where he/she will lovingly cook and serve you the five-star, gourmet meal of your salivary gland dreams.

Bon appetit!

* The Smile Train Wreck

Donations to this organization will bribe prominent cosmetic surgeons to risk their medical malpractice insurance ratings to try to correct that crooked smile on your loved one’s face. So what if you don’t have a cleft lip or cleft palate? (Think Dick Cheney!)

* Plant Parenthood

An education initiative that helps educate and rehabilitate those of us who lack a green thumb.

You know whom you are, you sad sacks who can’t keep a potted plant alive in your kitchen for more than a few days.

Heal the despair and low self-esteem that comes from not being trusted to take care of a measly houseplant.

credit:sirefinder.com

* Old McDonald House

Old McDonald House is a residential facility supervised by mental health practitioners where the extreme animal lover can heal their addiction to their four-legged, furry, foul-smelling friends.

Yes, it’s nice to have a dog or cat, but you have a problem if before you know it you’re hoarding animals in your studio apartment.

A rescue mutt here, a stray cat there, a sick puppy here and there, and – E-Eye-E-Eye-Oh – before you know it you’ve got a shipload of kitties, cockatoos, chickens, a pig, a pony and a five foot boa constrictor (he was so cute as a baby).

credit:Dorling Kindersley:DK Readers

Questions for the Curious

7 Nov

Eat your vegetables!

* Could someone tell the food industry that salmonella is not a seasoning?

It keeps popping up in salads like bacon bits.

Credit:onlineclocks.net

* When we “fall back, spring forward” and hit our heads or slip a disc, can we sue the government for liability?

* When the “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” get “fillers” next time, how about a heavy dose of the gray matter?

Credit:celebrifi.com

* Are male chauvinist pigs especially prone to catching swine flu?

Hey babe, come here often?

* Remember when the only doctors on TV were fictional or in commercials? It was more about cola and less about on-air colonoscopies.

I make house calls

I can make you feel better

Where does it hurt?

* Doesn’t Jackie Warner, the diet coach on Bravo’s “Thintervention” make Jillian Michaels on “The Biggest Loser” look like Mary Poppins?

Credit:JessicRalphblogspot

Meow!

How come it’s legal to buy sex toys and doobies in San Francisco, but you can’t score a Scooby-Doo! toy with a hamburger?

* If a Barbie Doll overdoses, is it considered “barbicide?”

Breathe in, breathe out!

A brush (and comb) with death

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