Tag Archives: Scrabble

The Scarlet Letter

19 Feb
Credit: theknot.com.au

Credit: theknot.com.au

In Scrabble, the letter “F” merits a respectable four points. There are only two “F” tiles in the game set, which makes the number of words you can form with the letter “F” relatively limited.

In the real world, the “F” word is everywhere.

In the evolution of the English language, when did “Oh, darn!” become  “Oh, Fu#!” What happened to “friggin?” When did “fudge” deteriorate into “Fu#!”?

When did “take the F train” become “take the ‘Fu#!-ing’ train?”

When did dropping the F-bomb so casually become the status quo?

“F” used to convey a meaning of failure.  A rude, red “F” on a spelling quiz or a math exam would elicit disappointment, or at the least – some extra homework.  Now, “F” means “Fantastic! Fabulous! Good effort! You’re gifted.“

Thank you, Adam Mansbach for your mega bestseller, “Go The F**k To Sleep.”

I’m writing a new book entitled “Stop hurling the “F” word every five seconds because you’re coarsening the language and culture. Plus it’s lazy and boring!”

At some point, talking like a truck driver became cooler than driving a truck.  But like carbon emissions, sulfur dioxide, and lead, “F” contributes to air pollution.

We expect a liberal use of the “F” word from sailors, soldiers, pimps, graffiti artists, New Jersey housewives, Vice Presidents, and F-list stand-up comics, but not from role models or mommy bloggers.

Overheard at the dinner table:

Ten year old daughter:  “Mommy uses the “F” word on her blog!”

Hubs (to Mom):  “You do?”

Mom:  “No, of course not. Well, sometimes, but -”

Daughter:  “You shouldn’t say ‘butt’ either.”

Mom:  “Sweetheart, I’m a writer. I have poetic license.”

Daughter:  “I saw the “F” word twice on your last post.”

Hubs:  “Great. I hope my parents don’t read your blog.”

Daughter:  “And she says it on Twitter ALL the time!”

Hubs:  “Geez…”

Mom:  “Well, you know, everyone else does it…”

Daughter:  “In CAPS. On Twitter. That’s like yelling it.”

Mom:  “It’s for dramatic effect.  I’m using the vernacular. Look it up, honey.”

Daughter:  “In the dictionary?”

Mom:  “Just Google it. V-E-R-”

Daughter:  “Never mind, Mommy. Fu#!” it!”


What do you think?


Sitting On Cold Porcelain

9 Feb



Semi-Finalist, prestigious Robert Benchley Humor Award


Wanna LOL?

Sitting On Cold Porcelain is a highly entertaining collection of box-cutter sharp satirical essays by nationally syndicated columnist and blogger Rose A. Valenta. The funny pieces are short and sweet, and as delectable as a heart shaped box of chocolate truffles.

The “A” in Rose’s middle name obviously stands for “Amusing” as she clearly has a nose for news that amuses and delights.

Who else can make you laugh at the absurdities of an incompetent Congress, biker poetry, cat cams, elephant dung counters, idiot politicians, manipulative media stars, Facebook Mafia Wars, offensive Scrabble words, cow pee soda pop, “A Christmas Carol” junkie, the Higgs Boson particle and the G-Spot?

How inappropriate!

Rose A. Valenta is a nationally syndicated humor columnist. Her irreverent columns have been published in Senior Wire, Associated Content, Courier Post Online, NPR, Newsday, USA TODAY, the WSJ Online, and many other local news and radio websites.

Run and git yourself a copy of Sitting On Cold Porcelain pronto – it’s funny and wise, and – like fiber and dark chocolate – no doubt invariably good for you!

Sitting on Cold Porcelain at amazon.com

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Rose A. Valenta

Paperback Best Price $12.72
or Buy New $15.59

Read “Rosie’s Renegade” blog + buy autographed copies of Sitting On Cold Porcelain: http://rosevalenta.blogspot.com/

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