Tag Archives: right brain

Hubs and Grubs

1 Feb


Have you noticed how difficult it is making your way through the grocery store to pick up a few overpriced necessities lately? Packs of preoccupied people (say that fast five times) obstruct the aisles – – and all of them are busy chatting, texting or squinting away on their cell phones. Enough already!

Put the phone down!

Not only is efficiency lost, but there is gridlock in the frozen food section, tailgating in the produce section and fender benders in the cereal aisle. Head-on collisions occur. Chain reaction crashes involving multiple shoppers result in cart loads of injuries. Hit and Runs abound.

“Clean Up on Aisle Four!” used to refer to a split sack of flour or a dropped jar of pickles – now it’s a call for EMTs and body bags.

Road rage in the health food aisle is also a big problem. I note that strict vegans are especially cranky, but my thinking may be dull from the fat and sugar in the Starbucks super sized blueberry lemon cream muffins I reward myself with more or less on a regular basis  (I call it m-o-t-i-v-a-t-i-o-n!)

Perhaps it’s time to station traffic cops in the local Safeway. (After all, it is called “Safe” way…) They can keep it moving, hand out warnings, issue tickets to repeat offenders, and if necessary, confiscate those smart phones from not so smart cookies.

Exemptions can be made for befuddled husbands struggling to comply with grocery lists meticulously composed by their wives.  They will be permitted three emergency phone calls per trip unless they exhibit a sore lack of diligence or gross gender subordination such as – “Screw it honey! There’s no friggin’ difference between Diet Swiss Miss Cocoa and No Sugar Swiss Miss Calcium – they both make you FAT.”)  Oh, boy…

Welcome Home Dear!

Tolerance and compassion will not be demonstrated for such right brain challenged dolts.  No “Express Check-Out” privileges for you, sonny.

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