Tag Archives: food

Celebrity Food Fight!

23 Aug

Yum. Everyone loves a food fight.

Celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain started a particularly messy one with his recent comments in TV Guide.

He referred to Paula Deen “The worst, most dangerous person to America is clearly Paula Deen. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations and she’s proud of the fact that her food is f—ing bad for you. If I were on at seven at night and loved by millions of people at every age, I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it’s OK to eat food that is killing us. Plus, her food sucks.”

Lovely.  (This from a guy who scarfs down goat gonads and rotten shark meat…)

Them thar are fighting words!  Brickbats to stir up some serious rancor with your sweet cream butter and whipping cream.

Photo Credit: Echomedia.com

Paula Deen responded with her usual folksy brand of Georgian charm:

“I don’t know if it was a publicity thing or if someone had just peed in his bowl of cereal that morning and he was mad.”

“Pee in his cereal?”  Eeks!  (And I thought grits was the most vile southern style breakfast…)

But the sour Bourdain has a valid point about popular celebrity chefs, unhealthy food, and obesity.  Consider these Food Network stars:

Mario Batalia: A picture is worth a thousand bites.  Yes, that’s a fork. (Would hate to see his ice cream scoop!)

Photo Credit: funcrunch.com

The much-loved and decidedly porky East Hampton gourmet chef “The Barefoot Contessa.”  She’s so placidly sweet – might it be a diabetic coma?

Food Network

Photo Credit: FoodNetworkHumor.com

So, why not focus on healthier cooking? It won’t be much fun if one of these celebrity chefs drops dead from a massive coronary while cooking up a crockpot of Lobster Mac & Cheese.  (that’s a real recipe and it’s available online)

Hey y’all!  Paula Deen has a compelling personal story:   It Ain’t All About the Cookin’

Credit: Amazon.com

Audio from The New Yorker MagazinePepsico and the future of snacking

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Food Fight

26 Jul
Barb's BlastYum!

 

I confess to playing around lately – with my food, that is.  I’ve been flirting flagrantly with a macrobiotic diet.

MACROBIOTIC.  Ahem. We all know that “macro” means “large” and “bios” refers to “life.”

But is eating macrobiotic foods actually “living large?”

 

Barb's Blast

Orzo!

 

The macrobiotic diet consists of WHOLE grains, RAW vegetables and UNADULTERATED fruits, legumes (whatever they are), and lots of FRESH green plant leaves.  ABSOLUTELY NO processed foods.  NO additives.  NO preservatives.  NO artificial colors. NO butter. NO sugar.

(STAB to my heart)  What, NO sugar?

 

Barb's Blast Humor Blog

NO kidding!  NO double chocolate fudge cream frosting from the can.  NO Swedish fish. We’re talking RAW stuff like crab grass and dandelions – NOT like uncooked cookie dough.  NO means NO, baby!

Only ALL natural virginal foods. Pure, HEALTHY eats.

Will work for food, but Jeez this is hard labor.

I wonder, is this “Food for the Gods” actually good for the soul? What if it merely makes you critically PMS cranky? And chronically pining for comfort food?

 

Photo Credit: Fizzies.com

 

For someone weaned on Twinkies, Spaghetti-O’s, Dots, and Root Beer Fizzies (don’t you just love ’em?) – “macro” is indeed an adjustment to “healthy” food.

SUGAR.  Can’t live with it. Can’t live without it.  I love it brown. I love it white. I love it in cubes. In a bowl. On a stick. In a wet paper packet. I love it as a liquid, gas, and solid. Maple sugar candy is like crack cocaine to this sweet toothed junkie. My hyperactive pancreas craves it.

 

BULGAR WHEAT and GREEN LENTILS. Yum. Really tasty if you enjoy bowls of sticks and stones. Four out of five goats prefer rusty tin cans.

 

Mmmm!

 

WHEAT GRASS.  Really, now – should grass be a liquid? And be served in a methadone maintenance cup? Yes, some brave souls down it like vodka shots,   but I hear Astroturf is tastier (ask any goat).

Need I remind you what happens to your poor dog when he’s foolhardy enough to eat grass in the back yard?  Not a pretty sight.

SPELT.  Never heard of “spelt?” You are not alone. (but you will be… when that dynamite kicks in and you’re frantic for a restroom) People who eat spelt regularly (Ha, Ha. Excuse the pun) are, no doubt, svelte as a cheese cutting board. The phrase, “Whoever spelt it, dealt it” will unfortunately come to mind.

 

Barb's Blast

SEAWEED.  Available in many unappetizing colors (many a shade of gray) such as inkjet black and funky fuchsia, seaweed is the texture of shredded cellophane and resembles alien vomit.

Yippee! Seaweed with a wheat grass pickle relish and I can make my own bug spray.

Oy, Vegan. Perhaps “food for thought” is the best diet for me, after all.

Got Nutella?

6 Jul
Nutella Barb Best

Choco lotto!

Help! I’m going nuts (or should I say “Nutsella”) over Nutella!

Why am I seeing Nutella everywhere?  There are pig-size jars of Nutella in the supermarket, buckets of Nutella at Costco, numerous Nutella promotions in women’s magazines, Nutella recipes all over the nutty web, cloying accolades to Nutella on many an otherwise sensible food and parenting blog.

There is probably a support group – N.A. – “Nutellaholics Anonymous.”

Nutella is swella, but enough already. (Overexposure can do you in – just ask Smiley Miley Cyrus.)  And shouldn’t it be called chocolate-tella?  Or choco-tella?  After all, it is chocolate.

In case you’ve been living under a hickory nut tree, Nutella is a popular chocolate and hazelnut spread (a.k.a. frosting) used on sandwiches (especially scrumptious if you’re bored sick with ho-hum peanut butter and jaded jelly) and, as of late, ladled generously onto just about every other imaginable food item under the sun.

Of course, most people secretly prefer eating it straight from the jar – au naturel.

Expect a mouthwatering, finger-licking, lip-smacking experience. The more you consume in one sitting, the better. (So what if it’s 200+ calories a teaspoon.) IT’S CHOCOLATE!

Nutella is silky and seductive.  It won’t surprise you that it was created by an Italian company also known for their Ferrero Rocher sweets.  Ciao, Mamma.  Ciao, Mia.  Ciao to your waistline.

Nutella “Umbrella” spoof:

Charities I’d Like To See

14 Nov

* Habitat for Hummus

Join the movement to salvage the scurrilous reputation of hummus – that much maligned chickpea pigeon poop paste that even rabid goats and war camp detainees won’t suck on if they are starving to death. So what if this trendy excuse for guano isn’t as nutritious as smoked bacon or French onion dip?

I say it’s compost and I say to hell with it!

Bottoms Up!

* MADT – Mothers Against Drunk Texting

This is captain obvious, but we all know how deadly serious this issue is.  Loose lips sink friendships. Friends don’t let friends drink and send.  Don’t just take the keys; take the keywords and the keyboards.  BTW OMG NO TM WEN BLOTTO BOOHOO TYVM

* Save the Nails

This 501(c)3 provides respectable manicures for the truly needy. For those who suffer from the heartbreak of sore, split, chipped, chewed, broken, jagged, anemic pathetic looking fingernails.

For those of you whose horny protrusions at the tips of your gnarly digits barely seem fit for scraping year old chewing gum off the gas station restroom floor, let alone for quality time with your Blackberry.

* The Red Floss

All donations to this health care initiative fund medical research aimed at curing bleeding gums when you floss.  Put an end to the horror you feel when you spit a mouthful of fire engine red blood into your sparkling white bathroom sink.

glub, glub

* The Make A Dish Foundation

A Le Cordon Bleu Chef will come to your home, plop you down in front of the TV with a chilled glass of Chardonnay and a fat jar of cocktail onions, then proceed to your kitchen where he/she will lovingly cook and serve you the five-star, gourmet meal of your salivary gland dreams.

Bon appetit!

* The Smile Train Wreck

Donations to this organization will bribe prominent cosmetic surgeons to risk their medical malpractice insurance ratings to try to correct that crooked smile on your loved one’s face. So what if you don’t have a cleft lip or cleft palate? (Think Dick Cheney!)

* Plant Parenthood

An education initiative that helps educate and rehabilitate those of us who lack a green thumb.

You know whom you are, you sad sacks who can’t keep a potted plant alive in your kitchen for more than a few days.

Heal the despair and low self-esteem that comes from not being trusted to take care of a measly houseplant.

credit:sirefinder.com

* Old McDonald House

Old McDonald House is a residential facility supervised by mental health practitioners where the extreme animal lover can heal their addiction to their four-legged, furry, foul-smelling friends.

Yes, it’s nice to have a dog or cat, but you have a problem if before you know it you’re hoarding animals in your studio apartment.

A rescue mutt here, a stray cat there, a sick puppy here and there, and – E-Eye-E-Eye-Oh – before you know it you’ve got a shipload of kitties, cockatoos, chickens, a pig, a pony and a five foot boa constrictor (he was so cute as a baby).

credit:Dorling Kindersley:DK Readers

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