Tag Archives: Christmas

Hairy Christmas!

20 Dec

1-800-Pet-Meds

Has your dog “Snippy” had his photo taken with Santa yet?

Has he sat on Santa’s lap and communicated his heartfelt wants?

According to the L.A. Times, an Associated PressPetside.com poll shows 52% of pet owners plan to buy their animals a holiday gift — up from 43% last year.

Your cat “Snots” may insist she only wants world peace for Christmas, but I recommend you have a bag or two of her favorite 90 proof catnip snaps on hand just in case.

poundrescue.com

I’ll bet Snippy’s been a really good boy. (We’ll forget about the four sticks of margarine he ate off the kitchen counter yesterday afternoon. Guess his next big gift to you will come already wrapped… I can’t believe it’s not butter!)

Have you bought him a paw-shaped holiday stocking full of candy cane raw hides?

Or a cute, stuffed toy to sleep with and/or rip to pieces?

He may appreciate some fashionable apparel this season. Leopard tees and red turtlenecks are quite handsome – especially on the less dignified breeds.

Snippy will surely enjoy a spa treatment with honey shampoo, tingling chocolate mint conditioner, spray-on detangler and a much needed teeth whitening.

Ever floss a Rotweiller?  (I didn’t think so…)

Hey Fluffy, why not some Botox to go along with those precious pink bows?

A gift certificate for an acupuncture session is a thoughtful gift for the pooch who barks incessantly. You will enjoy it, too.

If puppy seems stressed all the time, why not enlist a therapy dog for him?

It’s the gift that keeps giving.

After all, aren’t ALL dogs therapy dogs?

Memo from the cat:
It’s a wonderful time to donate to local animal welfare organizations and/or adopt a pet!!!

* We wish you a hairy Christmas * We wish you a hairy Christmas *

Ho, Ho, Ho, Ha!

23 Dec
Christmas in the post-War United States

Image via Wikipedia

Ho, Ho, Ho, Ha!   Merry Christmas from Barbs Blast!

Holiday Gifts I DON’T Want!

9 Dec

Buy at: dachshundsdressedforshow.com

NO “Dog Snuggie” or hip clothing for the pooch

Animals that chase their tails, lick their private parts incessantly in public and sniff strangers’ crotches willy-nilly should not be making fashion statements.

Sorry Ms. Hilton, but I’ve yet to see a Chihuahua look stylish in a leopard print.  Get over it – a Bassett Hound will never be a fashionista!

Credit:petplanet.co.uk

NO to a pet goat!

Yes,  I understand that according to World Vision, “Goats provide milk, yogurt and cheese – and truly change lives.”

BUT if you give me a goat for Christmas, I swear on a stack of Farmer’s Almanacs, I’ll never speak to you again – not even on FB.

FYI: 7-11s provide milk, yogurt and cheese plus highly entertaining tabloids and nifty lottery tickets, too – and they won’t crap on your carpet, scare the poor cat silly or eat the TV remote.


Buy at: Cafepress.com

NOPE to the hokey jokey T-shirts

BTW “I’m with Stupid” is shockingly redundant for most of us.

Duh!

NO self-published autobiographical tomes

Buy at ChronicleBooks.com

How do I make time to read your 5 trillion word (single-spaced) masterpiece?

I don’t have the time or inclination to skim the instructions to my cell phone – and my life depends upon that.

Reading about your madcap adventures with quirky Grandma at The Mall of America three summers ago just doesn’t scream “High Priority.”

Frankly, it suggests a deep sleep akin to a decade-long coma that one is unlikely to recover from – ever.

Buy at: Amazon.com

NO bizarre personal care items such as “armpit pruner” or “cordless ear wax cleaners” are remotely acceptable as holiday gifts.

“Powerful, yet gentle, suction” should not be used on the ear unless your I Pod headphones have embedded themselves in your ear canals and you literally “just can’t get that song outta your head.”

Credit: ModernPooch.com

NO to the Dog DNA Analysis Kit

($59.95 + $11.99 Shipping & Handling) Instructions read “Simply swab the insides of your dog’s cheeks” – Right!

My crazed Rottweiler-whatever pup will surely let me open his mouth and “swab” away without mutilating my hands and tearing my face off first!

Maybe I can “swab” while I’m brushing and flossing his teeth, he’s so mellow then.

NIX-NAYEnough with the re-gifted curly bow spa baskets!

Soap is soap and I say it’s boring! If you really care…

Come over and give me a Champagne bubble bath and a hot oil massage if you seriously want to gift me like I’m a VIP at The Breakers.

Credit: VanityFair.com

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