Tag Archives: Amazon

What Women Want

5 Feb

Gunfire is illegal, so here’s a poem in celebration of Valentine’s Day.



What do women want, dude?

I’ll tell you!

Kill the black widow spider

Smash the horse fly

Wrestle that ’gator in yonder lake

Slice the venom-spitting snake.


Pulverize the prowler

In one Superman swoop,

No spurting blood

No cracking bones

Do it nice, don’t tell me how

No messes, but do it now.


What do women want, dude?

I’ll tell you!

Purr like a kitten, tiger

Dance the Howdy Doody

Rock ‘n Roll me with violins,

Shower me with mortal sins.


Sail me love letters

In my alphabet soup

Stir it hard,

Use your imagination,

Be a prince, show some stately grace,

Valentine me with diamonds and lace.


What do women want, dude?

Most of all?

At least try to enthrall,

A dozen red roses, pricks and all.

Available on Amazon as a paperback and an eBook http://amzn.to/tgOu8b

©2012, Barb Best and Barb’s Blast Humor Blog. All rights reserved.

Direct questions regarding permissions: barbsblast@gmail.com

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Sitting On Cold Porcelain

9 Feb



Semi-Finalist, prestigious Robert Benchley Humor Award


Wanna LOL?

Sitting On Cold Porcelain is a highly entertaining collection of box-cutter sharp satirical essays by nationally syndicated columnist and blogger Rose A. Valenta. The funny pieces are short and sweet, and as delectable as a heart shaped box of chocolate truffles.

The “A” in Rose’s middle name obviously stands for “Amusing” as she clearly has a nose for news that amuses and delights.

Who else can make you laugh at the absurdities of an incompetent Congress, biker poetry, cat cams, elephant dung counters, idiot politicians, manipulative media stars, Facebook Mafia Wars, offensive Scrabble words, cow pee soda pop, “A Christmas Carol” junkie, the Higgs Boson particle and the G-Spot?

How inappropriate!

Rose A. Valenta is a nationally syndicated humor columnist. Her irreverent columns have been published in Senior Wire, Associated Content, Courier Post Online, NPR, Newsday, USA TODAY, the WSJ Online, and many other local news and radio websites.

Run and git yourself a copy of Sitting On Cold Porcelain pronto – it’s funny and wise, and – like fiber and dark chocolate – no doubt invariably good for you!

Sitting on Cold Porcelain at amazon.com

SPECIAL KINDLE PRICE – $7.99  (20% off)

Rose A. Valenta

Paperback Best Price $12.72
or Buy New $15.59

Read “Rosie’s Renegade” blog + buy autographed copies of Sitting On Cold Porcelain: http://rosevalenta.blogspot.com/

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