My New Year RIDS-olutions!

2 Jan

Good luck, honey!

  1. I will downsize. This will involve donating 25 years + of crap (nonsense, rubbish, junk) that I no longer use and not getting new crap (nonsense, rubbish, junk). Clutter (see “crap”) is not only “stuck energy” – it is a real hassle to dust.
  2. I will rid myself of the tendency to complain, whine, and kvetch. Gee, this is so hard to do… Whaa! Whaa! Whaa! OMG, what will I write about? Whaaaa!
  3. No matter how compelling the separation issues may be, the laptop and cell phone will not be taken into the bathroom. Too many close calls (get it? calls?)
  4. I will try not to stoop to the level of cheap puns and scatological humor (unless, of course, it amuses me and tickles the dog).
  5. I will stop harboring the desire to eat an entire double-decker box of dark chocolate covered cherries in one sitting unless I’m given a month to live or have really bad PMS, then all bets are off.
  6. However captivating it is to my Twitter followers, I will not tweet inappropriately from (i.e. nice restaurants, children’s birthday parties, business meetings, dental appointments, bed, car accidents, funerals, etc.). Social propriety trumps the compulsion to provide non-stop yuks (often at the expense of loved ones) to total strangers.
  7. I will stop using the Lord’s name (and the Duggars) in vain. Amen.
  8. When dressed in exercise clothes, I will actually make a serious effort to go to the gym and exercise.
  9. I will stop considering french fries “vegetables” and strawberry licorice “fruit.”
  10. I will not pull on my cuticles and shred them like confetti, no matter how dry they are or how excruciatingly boring the meeting/conversation/TV show is.

Minus 12 Grams Fiber


12 Responses to “My New Year RIDS-olutions!”

  1. Nancy Wurtzel January 2, 2012 at 9:18 am #

    First, love the picture. It is “snorting good!” Next, I think you can still use the Duggars in vain — honestly, they are just too good to pass up and no one would blame you. Jim Bob is my fav. Amen. Sometimes I count Duggars when I’m trying to go to sleep. Hey, that is a blog post right there (no stealing, I have dibs). On the downsizing, I did this year and it actually feels pretty good. Finally, I knew that we were on the same wavelength — I, too, love dark choc covered cherries. Cherries are a fruit, right??

    • BARB BEST January 2, 2012 at 9:59 am #

      Yes, cherries are a fruit. And dark chocolate is chock full of antioxidants which, of course, prevent your body from deteriorating like a moldy orange. Orange – also a fruit apparently.

  2. schmeightschmatchers January 2, 2012 at 9:25 am #

    Amen! Great post

  3. molly January 2, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

    I approve. No tweeting while tinkling. Happy new year?

  4. catcalls January 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm #

    Hefty RIDS my dear! I will try #10, but I know I will fail because I actually LIKE doing it and it doesn’t harm anyone. Good luck!

  5. Deb Claxton January 2, 2012 at 4:43 pm #

    My New Year’s Resolution is to find out what scatological humor is and then use it! Funny post.

  6. dawn@LightenUp! January 3, 2012 at 11:28 am #

    HahaHAAA! I, too, have had the close phone/laptop calls. Too stinking funny! (how’s that for stooping low and scatological humor 😉 )

  7. southmainmuse January 4, 2012 at 6:41 am #

    I am so with you on ridding our home of crap and not acquiring more crap. All I do is move crap from one place to the other all day long….And really is what defines a vegetable an absolute?

  8. Dear Helen Hartman January 5, 2012 at 1:03 pm #

    Good luck with it all. I gave up on self improvement long ago and now prefer to improve others. They know who they are and they have it coming.

  9. annsrants January 6, 2012 at 7:58 am #


    Please NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

  10. BARB BEST January 6, 2012 at 11:24 am #

    Hilarious, Helen!

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