25 Reasons I Can’t Sleep

20 Sep

Over 5,000 people viewed “Freshly Pressed” “25 Things I DON’T Wanna Do Before I Croak” on Sept. 15th-16th. THANKS for all the great comments. You guys are funny! 😀

Photo Credit: Barb Best


(Check all that apply & add your own!)

1) The industrial strength garlic in the pasta carbonara I had for lunch

2) The dog is snoring like a moose and drooling on my pillow

3) I can’t turn off my brain

4) I’m hot

5) I’m cold

6) I need sex so bad my cavities ache

7) Memory… all alone in the moonlight… I can smile at the old days. What Broadway musical was that darn song from…  and why am I craving salmon?

8 ) I have restless Lego Syndrome (my inner child still can’t fit all the pieces together)

9) I’m hungry

10) I ate too much marbleized meat at dinner

11) I went to the damn movie Contagion

12) Did I eat infected cantaloupe in that over-priced fruit salad I had in the cafeteria yesterday? OMG, do I have listeria?

13) I’m not the least bit superstitious — but there will be NO #13.

14) My Visa bill is due in two weeks.

15) Charlie Sheen

16) The fact that I actually know who Snooki is…

17) Knowing that the Kardashians are laughing all the way to the bank

18) My young boyfriend

19) My young girlfriend

20) Your husband (the restraining order isn’t working)

21) I drank a pot of regular coffee after 5:00 p.m. and now I can’t close my eyes. I may have to tape them shut.

22) The national debt

23) Realization that Cher disturbs me a lot more than Chaz

24) Knowing that there is one more slice of chocolate birthday cake left in the fridge (and it’s got my name on it)

25) Space junk is gonna fall on my face any day. I just know it.


17 Responses to “25 Reasons I Can’t Sleep”

  1. kelworthfiles September 21, 2011 at 4:06 am #

    Usually 3

    4 or 5 depending

    New plot bunnies attacking

    program code and database tables from work not adding up.

    Occasionally weighing the prospect of extinction at death versus the prospects of an unknown afterlife.

    • BARB BEST September 21, 2011 at 11:19 am #

      Thanks, good ones! Enjoy your writing blog Chris K!

  2. Dawn@LightenUp! September 21, 2011 at 5:40 am #

    Barb! I love this – my fave post of yours. Maybe I should try writing in the middle of the night. You be funny!

    • BARB BEST September 21, 2011 at 11:14 am #

      Hey Dawn, thank you! What keeps you up? (keep it clean)

  3. Ariana@Pearl's twirl September 21, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    Ha, and all this time I thought it was my hormones, that keep me up at night, now I know it’s the Kardashians. Hilarious! Thank you Barb!

    • BARB BEST September 21, 2011 at 11:11 am #

      thanks, Ariana! You’re right about hormones – they are the root of all evil.

  4. Jerry Zezima September 21, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

    Funny, as always, Barb. By the way, your dentist will be happy to see you.

    • BARB BEST September 21, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

      Ha, Ha Jerry! Yes, I really must lay off the sweets…

  5. Joanne (@OpinionsToGo) September 22, 2011 at 9:26 am #

    OMG! Now I feel guilty sleeping, with all the things that you have made me think about! How about dividing them up…I’ll take 5 and if the other commenters take 5…your life
    will be better! YOU ARE WELCOME!

  6. Dana Leipold (@me_randomchick) September 22, 2011 at 10:14 am #

    “Space junk is going to fall on my face someday. I just know it.” I should not have been drinking tea when I read that. It wasn’t pretty. LOL!!!!!!

    • BARB BEST September 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm #

      Comedy is so not pretty.

      • ditchthebun September 28, 2011 at 8:27 pm #

        That made me LOL too!
        And Barb you are right, comedy is very often not pretty… look at Robin Williams… he is like the Keith Richards of comedy. Love the dude, he has me rolling in the aisles, but he’s certainly not “dead sexy”. I think he once referred to himself as a gorilla, saw the new Legend of Zelda advert on TV last night… why did he grow a massive beard? Too much hair man! Shave, wax, do something, the hair is taking you over!!!
        And now you know what keeps me awake 😀 Fear of disappearing into the hilarious enchanted rain-forest of Williams.

      • BARB BEST September 29, 2011 at 10:36 am #

        Ha! When Robin made “Moscow on the Hudson” he was shirtless in a bathtub scene. A comic at the time said the movie should have been called “Benji on the Hudson.” Love your attitude ditchthebun!

  7. Ann September 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm #

    #26. My son’s battery-powered/possessed Scooby Doo toothbrush that turns on spontaneously and vibrates the entire house.

  8. Jamie September 28, 2011 at 3:14 am #

    Can’t turn my brain off. Waking up thinking all the things I need to do. Not funny. Wish I could make it funny, then I’d go back to sleep. Thanks for the smile.

  9. hollow tree ventures January 2, 2013 at 1:32 pm #

    Ack, ALL the ones about pop culture and people who shouldn’t be celebrities. Also, knowing how little time I have to sleep so I’d better hurryupandfallasleeprightnow!

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