11 Funny Money Tips

14 Sep

Love ya Ben!

The economy sucks big time. We must cut corners. We must stuff our piggy banks ’til they burst at the seams. We must pinch pennies ’til they scream to be tossed into the nearest fountain.

Here are 11 Money Saving TIPS… you may not have seen elsewhere!

  • Recycle dental floss. This requires some imagination (and admittedly it is fairly gross) but if you’re conscientious about oral hygiene (and I hope you are) – you’ll rake in the bucks.
  • The kitchen whisk doubles nicely as a head massager. Self-pleasure is the name of the game here. The moola saved on masseuse fees and the hours spent begging your spouse for a freebie is saved. Voila!
  • Who needs “Meatless Mondays?” Why not “Meatless Months” and “Supper-free Seasons” for bona fide fiscal impact?
  • Join the legions of lazies who subscribe religiously to “Waffle Week.” Frozen waffles make a dandy meal for the entire family. And they are only $3.59 a box. ($3.49 if you have a lousy coupon)
  • Let’s see how much they really love you! Shake down Gramps and Granny for some serious dental gold, old cigarette lighters, brass knuckles, and silver fountain pens. While you’re at it, filch the sterling tea service in the dining room they never use. Then beat a beeline – with your shiny stash – to the local pawnbroker or gold dealer for some quick cash.
  • The pet toy business is a $25 billion dollar industry. You need not spend big dollars to keep your pets feeling adored and entertained. A Goldfish cracker on kite string or used dental floss (see TIP #1) makes a nifty cat toy for Little Fluffy. (And she’ll thank you for the fresher breath)
  • Skippy loves to play, too. According to NSNC award winning humorist Dawn Weber, asphalt makes a fine (and free) dog chew toy. After dark, take the kids and head over to the nearby Interstate with your handy jack hammer. Drill, baby, drill. Bag yourself some choice chunks. Hours of pleasure for puppy.

Dawn Lighten Up

  • Instead of a fancy schmancy birthday cake for those extra special family members, how about a vat of communal humus and day old cupcakes? Yum.
  • I realize this is a touchy subject with some of you. However, please consider diluting your daily bottles of “Mom Wine.” This will make it stretch a little longer, thus saving you a load of loot (and perhaps a few brain cells, too).

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

  • Home energy costs got you down? Turn the heater “OFF.” For warmth, scrounge up your old, sad holiday candles and fire away. Tell your children you’re conducting a home school study unit on Colonial America. Wow, how our spunky settlers dealt with their harsh, bitter cold winters!
  • Vacations are so passe. “Staycations” are the thing now. What an excellent opportunity to camp out on your sofa, binge on Costco snacks, and catch up on juicy episodes of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” and “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Watching those crazy broads roll in the dough is, at least, a vicarious kick.

FACTOID: The “staycation” was invented by Donna Reed in the classic film “It’s A Wonderful Life.” No money for that honeymoon in Hawaii? So what, we got chickens on the spit!” Right in our living room! Hooray!


11 Responses to “11 Funny Money Tips”

  1. Dawn September 14, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

    Funny, funny stuff! But I will NOT dilute my Mom wine. Word.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 11:39 am #

      Yes, Dawn – Mom wine is sacred 🙂 Give your Suzie a milkbone (or some gravel) for her inspiration.

  2. Dana Leipold (@me_randomchick) September 15, 2011 at 10:36 am #

    LMFAO! I love the visual of “shaking down Grandma and Grandpa.” Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 11:49 am #

      Thanks @me_randomchick! Your tweets, blog, podcasts make me LMFAO.

  3. Jamie September 15, 2011 at 11:57 am #

    I can’t keep string in the house. My children are obsessed with it. Long way to say — dental floss does a lot of double duty around here. As far as the waffles…I’ve discovered store brand pancake mix isn’t half bad. It’s good for lots of cheap dinners and the kids haven’t tired of them yet. — And ditto Dawn, the wine is a touchy subject

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:27 pm #

      Jamie, great comments. Breakfast for dinner works for me!

  4. Joanne (@OpinionsToGo) September 16, 2011 at 4:52 pm #

    Who knew, that behind that sweet angelic face of yours beats a heart of Lizzie Borden! Shake down Gramps and Granny? Barb, Say it ain’t so!…Where do you come up with this stuff?
    Always looking forward to your next post!

    • BARB BEST September 17, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

      Thanks, Joanne @OpinionsToGo My fave response: “Just kidding!”

  5. Kelley September 18, 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    Hahaha!!! These are great! I love how considerate you are of Fluffy’s breath. Such smart tips here, Barb!


  1. 11 Funny Money Tips « Barb's Blast | Investing - September 15, 2011

    […] the article: 11 Funny Money Tips « Barb's Blast Posted in Saving & Debt Tags: and-admittedly, dental-floss-, fairly-gross, hope-you, […]

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