25 Things I DON’T Wanna Do Before I Croak!

10 Aug

I have a bucket list, but I also have a F*#!-it” List.

25 THINGS I DON’T WANNA DO BEFORE I CROAK!

1)  Have my hard drive crash, thus losing decades of cherished family photo albums and irreplaceable funny cat videos.

2) A lumbar puncture. There does not exist a potent enough painkiller in the cosmos to make this procedure tolerable, let alone pleasurable.

3) A fiscal colonoscopy by Wall Street or the I.R.S.

4)  A taste tour of Malaysian food stalls and rat-infested street bazaars with Andrew Zimmern, the oafish host of The Travel Channel‘s “Bizarre Foods.”  Call me unadventurous, but I got zero hankerings for his brand of “gourmet” food – goat gonads tartare, fried scorpion nuts and snake snot on-a-stick.  Yuck… it, dude!

 

Photo Credit: The Travel Channel

 

5)  Wear “Pugnacious Purple” incessantly. This color looks great on The California Raisins, but not on me!

Photo Credit: kisbyto.blogspot.com

 

The tiniest blemishes and flaws – especially those on your face, neck and ankles due to errant veins and capillaries – will POP like fireworks in the blackest night. Do you really want to stick out like a sore Barney the Dino?

I Love You!

 

6)  Sleep with Mick Jagger.  Such an ill-advised tryst would result in a case of multiple whip lash caused by his colossal… wrinkles.

 

 

7)  Sit through one more vulgar, moronic male buddy comedy. You know who you are – Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler.

8 ) Clean out that weird mess imbedded in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator.

9)  Lose that elusive five (okay, fifteen) pounds.

10) Enjoy sit-ups and belly fat crunches. I don’t want to feel the burn – I don’t even want to feel the lukewarm.  (Luke Wilson, maybe..)

11) Swim from Cuba to the Florida Keys.  (Good try, Diana Nyad)

 

Photo Credit: Best of Florida Keys

 

12)  Master the Macarena.

13)  Learn Mandarin.

14)  Rub elbows and knees with Brad and Angelina.

15)  Wear a sleep bra.

16)  Read a history of sock puppets.

17)  Get excited about the latest celebrity hairstyles (exception – Lady Gaga)

18)  Savor the subtle hint of hot sauce in Al Roker’s Artichoke Dip.

19)  Cuddle an armadillo.

Photo Credit: Jerry Segraves

 

20) Be stalked by TMZ – especially if I’m sans make-up.

21) Embrace rap music and hip-hop. “Yo, ho bitch.”

22) Pretend I’m remotely interested in the NFL picks, lingerie football or ice hockey brawls.

23) Watch another cutesy car insurance commercial.

24) Boo hoo over spilled soy milk.

25) Regret missed planes, bad luck, false friends and lost loves.

EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW! WHAT’S ON YOUR F*#!-it LIST?

 

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168 Responses to “25 Things I DON’T Wanna Do Before I Croak!”

  1. k8edid August 10, 2011 at 11:07 am #

    I love this list!!! I have a few things I don’t want to do, as well. Crack cocaine, for instance. I’m going to have to give this one some thought – see if I can round of 25.

    • BARB BEST August 10, 2011 at 2:09 pm #

      Thanks, K8edid. Would love to hear your list!

      • k8edid August 12, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

        All right, I did one – not as many great pics as yours, but still had fun with it. I did have to include Andrew Zimmern (but I’d be surprised if he wasn’t on a LOT of F^%! It Lists). Pop over and check it out.

        http://k8edid.wordpress.com/2011/08/12/25-things-to-avoid-in-this-life-time/

      • BARB BEST August 13, 2011 at 10:25 am #

        Thanks, K8edid – imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
        LOVE your list and attitude. I relate – especially alligator wrestling, snake handling, competitive eating contests, ice hotels, anything to do with camping. However, I enjoy para sailing, can’t do it enough – it’s an amazing experience!

    • Paolo Smith (@PaoloSmith) September 15, 2011 at 9:05 pm #

      funny

  2. Dawn August 10, 2011 at 1:38 pm #

    Ugh. Cleaned the bio-hazard in my fridge the other day. Awful. Love these list posts. They aren’t easy to do. 🙂

    • BARB BEST August 10, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

      You, Dawn at DawnLightenUp are a braver woman than I.

      • nursemommylaughs August 11, 2011 at 7:03 am #

        I agree with you. Someone needs to invent a self-cleaning fridge device. That would ROCK!

      • BARB BEST August 12, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

        Yes, nursemommylaughs! Maybe a robot?

  3. Rai September 15, 2011 at 9:45 am #

    What the hell is a sleep bra? That sounds terrifying!

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

      Yes, terrifying! So I hear…

  4. coherentbabbles September 15, 2011 at 9:51 am #

    Seriously speaking, I wouldn’t want to be dependent on others for life before I croak. *Gulp*

    Staying healthy is a tough job *thinks of chocolate ice-cream*

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:52 pm #

      I agree with you, great point.

  5. Mikalee Byerman September 15, 2011 at 9:52 am #

    I’d like to add:

    ** Sleep with my ex. Ever again…

    ** See Carrot Top in person.

    ** Know how it feels to have a parasite.

    ** NOT have a bat-sh*t crazy life to blog about (it’s fun to have fodder, isn’t it?).

    I love your list, BTW! 🙂

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

      Love your list, Mikalee! Carrot Top and tapeworm – Ha!

    • ditchthebun September 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm #

      Mikalee I often see your comments pop up on freshly pressed sites and they often provide me with a giggle. This along with Barb’s awesome original post and my morning coffee gave me my much needed Friday morning giggle! Thanks!

      Totally agree with your first point!!! Much exclamation points after that one for me! Parasites, well they are just so wrong! Much agreeing on this one also! And the people that purposefully attempt to get them in order to lose weight need help urgently!

      • Mikalee Byerman September 16, 2011 at 9:42 am #

        Haha — WAY agreeing on the copious exclamation points after my first addendum. In fact, there aren’t enough in the world…

        I’m so glad I read Barb’s awesome post myself — food for thought!

        🙂

  6. PCC Advantage September 15, 2011 at 9:56 am #

    Who in their right mind would EVER want to sleep with Mick Jagger?? Well, unless he’s on your bucket list along with “Getting Gonorrhea”. So gross.

    Great list and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! 😀

  7. Sophia Morgan (griffinspen) September 15, 2011 at 9:58 am #

    Great list! Agree with most of this (especially about cleaning out the fridge and being stalked by TMZ). However, I love armadillos! While I might not wish to cuddle one, I certainly am not against the idea (I’ll do it if it’s a domesticated armadillo. Haha, call me weird!). I think I’ll go compose my own list of 25 things now. Thanks for sharing!

  8. opalsiren September 15, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    I love this post! So funny!

  9. becomingcliche September 15, 2011 at 10:09 am #

    At the top of my list would be hearing the pilot say “Oh, CRAP!”

    • Patty M September 15, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

      Or the surgeon say “oops”.

      • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

        HA! You said it!

  10. Elisheba September 15, 2011 at 10:10 am #

    loved these—especially the bradgelia one—for me I will never go on a cheap cruise filled with a boat load of drunk vacationers that normally I would avoid like a plague. Also spending my twilight years lolling around in a RV at 35 mph does not remotely make my “must do list”.

  11. fireandair September 15, 2011 at 10:12 am #

    1) “Sink” a “basket,” or whatever the proper terminology is for doing something positive in a sport of some kind.

    2) Appreciate avant-garde anything.

    3) Eat anything with its head still on.

    22 more to go …

  12. JamieCurtisBaker September 15, 2011 at 10:12 am #

    I had a lumbar puncture when I was sixteen. One of the most painful memories of my life. You could die a happy death having never experienced this. HaHa

  13. Jen As Herself September 15, 2011 at 10:36 am #

    Oh my god …can’t. stop. laughing. I’m pretty sure this was the funniest post I’ve ever read.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 11:54 am #

      Jen, I LOVE YOU! Do subscribe, see you on Twitter. 🙂 Barb @HaBarb

  14. Dana Harris September 15, 2011 at 10:45 am #

    L-O-V-E the concept of a F*#!-it list . . . I shall go about writing mine immediately. Starting with item #1) Actually do something “immediately” that I say I will . . . . 😛

  15. haystew September 15, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    haha. I appreciated this more than I can say. How can I learn to be just like you??

  16. changeoursociety September 15, 2011 at 11:00 am #

    I agree with so many of these, love this post because it’s very witty!

  17. abichica September 15, 2011 at 11:00 am #

    lol..cool.. everyone always writes things they wanna do before they die, never things they dont wanna do..i enjoyed it..:-D

  18. jamtastic4 September 15, 2011 at 11:02 am #

    Thanks for the giggle. I plan to forward this blog link to some friends who will agree with so much of your list. Great writing! Numero uno on my list would be joining Facebook. So not happening. Too much life to live outside the little ‘f.’ Tent camping and taking private, pilot lessons would follow.

  19. Ciiku September 15, 2011 at 11:03 am #

    I’m with you on number 7. Urgh! Can’t stand it!

  20. Renee September 15, 2011 at 11:05 am #

    I despise cleaning the fridge – like a necessary evil thing that must be done. Self cleaning for the oven, toliet and shower – how about the fridge people??? There is always something sticky, stinky and stuck on in the fridge. I do not care for what Andrew Zimmern eats either – just plain disgusting – probably could experiment with the fridge mess and Andrew would probably eat it – YUCK:( Congrats on being FP!

  21. TJ Johnston September 15, 2011 at 11:15 am #

    I love the idea of having an F*** it list!

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 11:43 am #

      Thanks, TJ – I’m a big believer in all kinds of lists!

  22. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife September 15, 2011 at 11:22 am #

    Very interesting list! Can relate to #7 for sure.

  23. Ermilia September 15, 2011 at 11:27 am #

    I’m going to have to write an entire blog post in response to this, so I won’t take up much space here other that to remind myself to ping back to you as soon as I remember how.
    -Elia

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 11:41 am #

      Thanks, Ermilia. Looking forward to reading your post – send me a link @HaBarb on Twitter.

  24. TheSecretSarah September 15, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    Having had a hard drive struck by lightning and a lumbar puncture, i object to them being within the top 2 together. A hard drive crash is the.worst.thing.ever! You can not recover from that! You can recover from a lumbar puncture. There should be at least 2 blank spaces after hard drive crashery that just shows how horrific and traumatic that experience can be! Id also rather have a lumbar puncture than sleep with mick jagger. Dont hate on the L-puncture. Its not that bad. (And I live in a “3rd world” country where medical instruments are not as advanced!)

  25. Abigail September 15, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    Amen to number 7. It’s so bad too, because I think their commercials look good.

    As for me, personally, I think I could live without causing a nuclear war. 🙂

  26. amerijapoxicano September 15, 2011 at 11:40 am #

    At first I was surprised by the negativity of your list. Don’t want to learn Mandarin…what? I’m totally interested in learning. Learning Welsh…not so much. I guess it makes sense for a list of things you DON’T want to not be very positive. This is not a criticism, just an observation. You have your own list just like everyone else does. On the bright side, your post’s title got me to click and read. Keep up the good work.

  27. DeAnna September 15, 2011 at 11:43 am #

    2) A lumbar puncture. <— Had this done.. Not pleasant at all.

    Hope you have a great day!

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:19 pm #

      Thanks & Have a great day, DeAnna!

  28. conniewalden September 15, 2011 at 11:46 am #

    Wow. What a blog. So much to read and so little time. Thanks for sharing. Connie
    http://7thandvine.wordpress.com/

  29. sportsjim81 September 15, 2011 at 11:46 am #

    Ok, this is a great idea. My blog revolved around my 30 Before 30 for awhile, but i never considered a list of things I didn’t want to do. Off the top of my head…”I don’t want to pay a lot for this muffler!” Haha…remember those commercials? Wow, not sure why that was the first thing that came to mind. Anyway, great post!

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

      HA, sportsjim81! that’s a long list: “I don’t want to pay a lot for this ____!”

  30. Mariana September 15, 2011 at 11:47 am #

    This is AWESOME!
    Making an F-it list as soon as I possibly can.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

      Great, Mariana! Send me a link! @HBarb on Twitter 🙂

  31. GG September 15, 2011 at 11:59 am #

    Enjoyed this list A LOT. Thank you!
    Another thing i am not going to do before i head off is buy anything that needs dry-cleaning. It always ends up in the wash basket and gets totally ruined. Wasted hundreds of bills for just one wear.

    I also love the idea of a self cleaning fridge… Gonna write that one up on mine over at lebeermat.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

      Hey GG, would love to see your list!

    • GG September 16, 2011 at 12:40 pm #

      I’m not going to go bungee jumping, parachuting, bridge swinging or anything else that involves dizzy heights, or fear-forced adrenalin.

      Or go on a hippy, find myself quest to India (why spend the money when you can waste it on a shrink in the comfort of your own home with a cup of caffeine?)

      Or wear crocs (the most ugly shoes I’ve ever seen)

      Neither am I going to ever be employed again (working for yourself is better – at least it is if you’re unemployable like me ;0)

      I’ll probably never have the garden of my dreams either (but I wont let that stop me pulling up weeds on a daily basis)

      Nor shall I wish I was young again – been there done that and collected far too many t-shirts

      Or pretend to like football or male satire…

      I will not read the ‘classics’ of literature – honestly they bore me. If i want to read something, i want to be able to read it and enjoy it without having to decode and analyse ever flippin’ sentence!

      And I’ll never be cool. But hey… I’m cool with that :0)

  32. Luxien2010 September 15, 2011 at 11:59 am #

    Congrats on making Freshly Pressed!

    My “F*#!-it” List would have to include moving back in with either parent. When you’re in your mid-40s (like me) the idea is just creepy!

    I’d visit the ice hotel, but I don’t think I’d stay overnight.

    Having my cooking evaluated by Gordon Ramsay would be up there, even though I’m a darn good cook. The bio-hazard at the bottom of the refrigerator brought that to mind…not because I have one, but because he sees so many on Kitchen Nightmares.

    I’d have to think a little harder to fill in the other 22 items.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

      thanks, The Ice Hotel – that’s a good one!

  33. markella September 15, 2011 at 12:12 pm #

    Love your post. I think my don’t wants would be similar, I have better things to do before I die than to click the next button on the slideshow of celeb hairstyles and possibly pregnant articles. I also don’t ever want to join a choir or watch MINUTE TO WIN it ever again. Time I’ll just never get back. Great Blog, I’ll be back.

  34. Deborah Ross September 15, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

    Hi-larious list. What I don’t wanna do before I croak: lose my sense of humor. Thanks for the morning giggle.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:30 pm #

      Love your “lose my sense of humor” – Amen!

  35. JuJuBee September 15, 2011 at 12:38 pm #

    ha! I love it. i used to have a list like this on my former blog. Everyone should have one. I know mine would need updated. That was a couple of years ago. I know I need to add “Watch a Jersey Shore marathon” to the list

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

      JuJuBee, great one – “Watch a Jersey Shore marathon!” 🙂 Barb

  36. howficklemyheart September 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm #

    Wow great list! What a creative alternative to the standard bucket list. Props to you!!

    http://howficklemyheart.wordpress.com

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 1:57 pm #

      Thanks, great name: howficklemyheart 🙂

  37. rosalindsstudio September 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    I am tweeting this for sure. My favorite is “not sleep with Mick Jagger”. Who said he was sexy anyway?? Now Patrick Stewart….

  38. 4myskin September 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    Soooo agree with 8 and 9!

  39. ryoko861 September 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm #

    LMAO! OMG, love it!!

    I can do with out Andrew Zimmerman’s adventures in eating as well.

    You have me thinking now……

    Great post! Needed a great laugh! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  40. Thomas Stazyk September 15, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

    I’d say you covered it pretty well!

  41. pegbur7 September 15, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    Okay, love it. Never thought of a f*&kit list before but now that we’re on the subject… you can add Bob Dylan’s name right beside Mick Jaggers… and I don’t think I’d want to be one of Charlie Sheen’s love goddesses either! Wonderfully funny stuff. You’e my new idol!

  42. Suzy September 15, 2011 at 2:09 pm #

    This is awesome! I think I’ll start my own.

  43. Sarah September 15, 2011 at 2:34 pm #

    “Fiscal colonoscopy” hilarious & apt! And please god–I don’t want one, either.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 4:21 pm #

      Hey Sarah – advicewithagrainofsalt.wordpress.com “Salt: advice with a grain of NaCl Insight for the befuddled” – your blog looks intriguing!

  44. Rebel With A Cause September 15, 2011 at 3:03 pm #

    This is absolutely fantastic! I’ve always had a massive bucket list but this is fuel for thought!
    thanks!

  45. Alaina September 15, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    4: Please….Andrew Zimmern isn’t oafish! He’s a connoisseur of world cultures. Did you catch the episode where he had a dinner made entirely of penises in Asia?

    7: You forgot Judd Apatow movies with Seth Rogen. Will Ferrell’s pretty funny, I think.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

      Good points! Judd Apatow vs. Will Ferrell: I loved Kristen Wigg in Judd’s “Bridesmaids!”

  46. followingfunny September 15, 2011 at 3:13 pm #

    Great list. I may have to steal your idea and do one of my own. If I do I will re-post yours…..which I will probably do anyway.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 4:07 pm #

      Yes, please do! Would love that! 🙂

  47. theRealSasha September 15, 2011 at 3:39 pm #

    Funny list there.

  48. kianys September 15, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

    Thanks for this laugh! It was much needed and it made my day! 🙂

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 4:07 pm #

      Thank you, Kirsten. you made my day, too!

  49. Taemznuna September 15, 2011 at 4:12 pm #

    wow LOL xD love this! 😀

  50. beginswithm September 15, 2011 at 4:18 pm #

    Haha. You had me at “fiscal colonoscopy.”

  51. Peas and Cougars September 15, 2011 at 4:26 pm #

    You should be careful about armadillos, you can get leprosy from that shit.

  52. Amanda (Adele) D September 15, 2011 at 4:49 pm #

    Love this. Great list. I’d say #1 on my list would be to avoid ice skating…for the rest of my life. My ankles are not strong enough to hold my body up in rickety, old, used, smelly ice skates on slippery ice just to go around in a circle over and over again. I have no desire for bruises from falling on rock hard freezing cold ice and frost bitten toes . Some people say this makes me “no fun,” but I would be happy if I never ice skated again!

  53. getfitbitches September 15, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    I LOVVVEEEE This! LOVE!

  54. Olivia K September 15, 2011 at 5:23 pm #

    I never want to . . .

    1. Go to a Scrapbooking Convention
    2. Learn to play the banjo
    3. Understand the opposite sex
    4. Date a Senator

    Thanks for the laugh, and causing me to look at life from another angle today.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 5:45 pm #

      Thank you, Olivia! love your list, can we add “accordian” and “congressperson?”

  55. jamieahughes September 15, 2011 at 6:30 pm #

    As someone who has had not one but TWO lumbar punctures, I can tell you you are totally NOT missing out on anything. For real. They were awful. The post, however, is hilarious!

  56. northerntees September 15, 2011 at 6:40 pm #

    I never want to see a TERMINATOR 2 remake by God i’ll cry!

  57. morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer September 15, 2011 at 6:50 pm #

    You have a great sense of humor: current, young and with it. What did you have to do to get into Freshly Pressed?

    Best of luck to you…..

    A non FP blogger,
    Ronnie

  58. ditchthebun September 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

    Appreciated this list so so much first thing on a Friday morning!!! Much needed giggles!!! I am a HUGE lover of lists! I turned 25 3 years ago and started realising that I have spent the majority of my life helping others fulfill their needs without much regard for my own and that maybe I should be making time to fulfill my needs too. I was in a job I wasn’t happy in, single, introverted blah blah sob story (AKA Bridget Jones with an Aussie accent), got very angry at myself for being a doormat and decided to rediscover life,laugh more, love myself more and find joy in the little things because that would be a much more worthwhile use of my life. 3 years on I am engaged to the most amazing guy I have ever met, I have sung on stage with some amazing Australian artists, I am 1 year off finishing a bachelor of information studies and I am working in a job I LOVE at a University Library.

    This was all thanks to a promise list I made to myself – you have inspired me to write an F-it list! And possibly a post on my promise list and what it has gained me… Thank you!!! I am subscribing the second I post my comment!

  59. taureanw September 15, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

    This made my day, thanks!

  60. ls zhao September 15, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

    a completely new perspective of life i have never think of
    i always read the to-do lists

    thanks for providing inspirations in life. ^^

  61. reading4meChris Langford September 15, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    Hi Barb, loved your post, you go girl!! lol, several times. Congrats on being FP

  62. pickle September 15, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    Knock on wood! Hahah I loved this post and congrats on Freshly pressed! I am known for being an avid bucket list keeper but a list of things I don’t want to do before I die sounds more challenging. Future blog post? I think so.

  63. herschelian September 15, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

    I was laughing myself silly reading this list (apart from the lumber puncture thingy which is not fun but sometimes necessary) until I got to #13 Learn Mandarin – WTF thats what I’m doing NOW, in my 60s – maybe I’m crazy? (don’t answer that it was a rhetorical question).My excuse is that I find myself living in Beijing. Now I’m off to compile my own list…you’ve really started something Barb!

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 9:35 pm #

      Thank you and greetings to you in Beijing! Would love to see your list!

  64. My Camera, My Friend September 15, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

    Although I would like to lose the 5 pounds, I would NOT want to smoke, do drugs, wear a bikini, take a philosophy class, get a body piercing, watch the extended edition of LOTR, and a lot of other random things.

  65. GraceLynneFleming September 15, 2011 at 7:44 pm #

    great post! very original

    -grace

  66. aftertheshow September 15, 2011 at 8:47 pm #

    I’m so glad that this was posted on FP! Before reading your post, I didn’t notice how large Barney the singing dinosaur’s hips are. That’s kind of strange to make a costume with such large, child-bearing hips on a male dinosaur. No stranger I guess than putting a tuxedo and microphone on a purple raisin.

    • BARB BEST September 15, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

      Hilarious! I love this comment! Very funny!

  67. pattyabr September 15, 2011 at 9:20 pm #

    #7 was spot on sista! Tell them to stop making movies!!!!

  68. ghostsofprospectspast September 15, 2011 at 9:42 pm #

    Great twist on the bucket list. Great job.

  69. mostlikelytomarry September 15, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    Thank you for the laugh and for helping me think about my own list. A sleep bra??? Never heard of it, but sounds absolutely awful. Great post.

  70. Jules September 15, 2011 at 10:59 pm #

    Love this Barb! Gave me a great chuckle and I am going to have to do my own list on my blog! Bravo! 🙂

  71. Sisterhood of the Traveling Military Pants September 15, 2011 at 11:04 pm #

    Adding “Turkish Bath” would be a good one NOT to do! Don’t ask:), run for any length of time (without being chased) nor be allergic to chocolate!

  72. Dare Right September 15, 2011 at 11:51 pm #

    My goodness, I couldn’t agree more about #7! So sad to think about the hours I will never get back after watching those ridiculous “comedies.” Never again!

  73. Person September 16, 2011 at 12:11 am #

    26: Use the word “croak”…oh wait…

  74. Dave September 16, 2011 at 12:28 am #

    Great List. Love it. Check out the food in Malaysia here: http://www.turnthere.wordpress.com
    Not that bad, some that that good, and if you’re unlucky enough to get food posioning then chalk it up to what else, bad luck.
    thanks,
    Dave

  75. Eccentric Errant September 16, 2011 at 12:58 am #

    I tried learning Mandarin. It was a pain in the ass and made me weep. I’m now learning Japanese, which is also a pain in the ass and is about to make me weep. I should have taken up Spanish.

  76. Karmen D. September 16, 2011 at 1:11 am #

    Brilliant. xD But why would you not want to master Macarena? Come on. 😀

  77. kat September 16, 2011 at 1:25 am #

    great list! it made me laugh 🙂

  78. TheEverydayMuser September 16, 2011 at 2:01 am #

    The number one thing on my F#^# it list? I never want to see another episode of that so-called reality TV series Jersey Shore. If that’s their idea of a show, I wonder what their definition of a movie is.

  79. tobiewankenobi September 16, 2011 at 2:07 am #

    This is a fantastic list. I feel inspired now. I have a list of things I want to do before I kick it, but I’ve never thought about things I didn’t want to do…like go skydiving or voluntarily watch Avatar.

  80. feistygirl September 16, 2011 at 2:22 am #

    The ‘Mick Jagger’ thing was absolutely hilarious!! ha ha ha…Amazing list!

  81. ennospace September 16, 2011 at 2:45 am #

    lol, agree with you !!

  82. cinquecentoproject September 16, 2011 at 2:52 am #

    I’m with you on #7, 15, and 22 – you nailed those for me! who cares about your mid-life guy crisis? wah, wah, wah, BORING! watching that stuff inspires cynicism in me so I avoid it.

    sweet list. congrats on FP!

  83. travelwithlaughter September 16, 2011 at 3:40 am #

    Those were fun! Thanks for a great way to start the day with a laugh.

  84. uponatlas September 16, 2011 at 4:13 am #

    haha this is amazingly hilarious. love it!

    🙂

    uponatlas.

  85. thecommunications September 16, 2011 at 4:23 am #

    What a fun post. Was smiling from ear to ear reading it. Thanks!

  86. The Crazy Lady September 16, 2011 at 5:08 am #

    What the heck is a nightbra? I guess it probably is what it says it is… weird 🙂

  87. sayali611 September 16, 2011 at 6:25 am #

    Feel Luke Wilson..Lmao. This is the best freshly pressed in my opinion!

  88. kipie99 September 16, 2011 at 6:27 am #

    wow the list is hilarious. it makes me realize exactly what i DONT want to do too.pls visit my site it feels lonely

  89. Rowland Jones September 16, 2011 at 6:34 am #

    In fairness, cuddling an armadillo sounds like something pleasureable in comparison with cavorting with Mick Jagger, or watching Adam Sandler . . . .

  90. thetruthandtheliesofthejourney September 16, 2011 at 8:43 am #

    Just reminded me of me things on your list that i to, would like to have no part in ever doing. nice! love it!

  91. Oh God, My Wife Is German September 16, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    Awesome F*ck It list!

  92. evasantiago310 September 16, 2011 at 9:05 am #

    This made me laugh first thing this morning, Thanks for sharing and you have inspired this blogger to do like wise 🙂

  93. jenniball91 September 16, 2011 at 9:08 am #

    Ha! That’s great. I found your blog via “Freshly Pressed” and I love it!

  94. lennymaysay September 16, 2011 at 9:08 am #

    I don’t wanna croak….until I really have to…and then I’m still gonna resist.

  95. Mama Bread Baker September 16, 2011 at 9:09 am #

    This is too funny! #8 literally made me laugh out loud…and go look in my refrigerator. You are absolutely right! Congrats of being Freshly Pressed!

  96. fornormalstepfathers September 16, 2011 at 9:41 am #

    I bet Mick Jagger will be pi*%ed.

    Congratulations on knowing what you do not want to do, I think it might be even more important than knowing what one wants to do.

    Enjoy being Freshly Pressed!

  97. Richard Peachment September 16, 2011 at 9:49 am #

    Nice list! I don’t think I could ever understand rap or hip hop music. Besides, they all sound the same with their headache-causing beats that bounce around in your skull for minutes on end. No thank you, lol.

  98. afroblush September 16, 2011 at 11:02 am #

    hilarious. i love it.

  99. Angie Polizzi, Owner of Pink Beauty Basket September 16, 2011 at 11:22 am #

    Love it – thanks for a wonderful laugh. I don’t want to do any of that stuff either!!!

  100. Rachel A. Hanson September 16, 2011 at 11:41 am #

    Awesome list. I’d have to add a loud AMEN to the Mick Jagger one. That anybody has ever had the desire to have sex with that man is beyond me.

  101. Ankoku Hikaru September 16, 2011 at 11:47 am #

    and here I am learning Mandarin… along with Japanese and Korean.

    Well either way interesting list indeed, and if I had a list #21 would… defenitly(?) be in there…

  102. Fristal Ann September 16, 2011 at 12:04 pm #

    I do know of one thing that I never want to do…again. Get food poisoning!

  103. eyeonwales September 16, 2011 at 12:25 pm #

    Poor armadilloes, all animals need a cuddle sometimes!

  104. laugh2learn September 16, 2011 at 12:51 pm #

    Loved it. Noticed however, that you and most of the commenters are women and much younger than me. As a 70 year old man, I have already not done most of the things you don’t want to do. Well, maybe ALL of the things you don’t want to do. (Mick promised not to tell.)

  105. Dads Taxi September 17, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    Thanks for this post and fresh perspective! Here’s one think I don’t want to do: I don’t want to lose my sarcastic sense of humor

  106. DesiValentine September 18, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    I sooooo need a “F@*k It” list! Maybe something including 1) dance on a speaker, 2) experience a spiral fracture, 3) take a cross-border Outlet Mall shopping trip (I’d rather stick rusty pins in my eyes), 4) watch any movie starring Will Farrell….
    I love your item number 25. I think a whole bucket list could be built around living to have no regrets. Love it!

  107. mirandalife September 19, 2011 at 10:21 am #

    And what exactly is wrong with mastering the macarena :p

  108. LevelTwo September 19, 2011 at 11:51 pm #

    I just never want to get so old and decrepit that I need Life Alert. Am I asking too much? lol

  109. amarllyis September 20, 2011 at 5:31 am #

    That’s a really cool list! Like the out-of-the-box thinking! 🙂

  110. realanonymousgirl2011 September 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

    Funny list! There are definitely things on there that are totally avoidable, so the list is do-able. For me I’d have to add any type of extreme sport like bungee jumping or skydiving. I just have no need to try to end my life prematurely.

  111. BraveLilCrumpet September 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    I’m not fussy, but before Death sends me on my merry way I’m going to try and avoid the following:

    1 – Fall into a bottomless pit
    2 – Get seduced by a Siren
    3 – Start leaving comments on blogs

    • BARB BEST September 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

      Thank you for making an exception on #3!

  112. 12vanblart September 22, 2011 at 6:30 pm #

    Gotta agree with the bizarre foods one! SUCH A WIERD SHOW!

  113. Darron Roberts September 23, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    Good blog post, though of things to do before I am worm food, but never things not to do.

  114. Edward Hotspur September 24, 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    Things I’d like not to do before I die:
    1) Use a rectal barometer
    2) Wet myself
    3) Become a custodian at a strip joint
    4) Watch Steel Magnolias 10 times in a row
    5) Watch any portion of Steel Magnolias
    6) Become infamous for something embarrassing
    7) Discover that there is a cure for whatever I’m dying of, but whatever I have has advanced too far for the cure to have any effect
    8) Discover someone who is more than 6 degrees from Kevin Bacon

    • BARB BEST September 25, 2011 at 10:21 am #

      A classic dude list, Edward! “Steel Magnolias” – people love it or hate it.

  115. gaycarboys September 26, 2011 at 6:24 am #

    Stop you’re killing me! I saw the Mick Jagger bit and fell about laughing. Thanks for the giggle

  116. Adrianne October 14, 2011 at 6:51 pm #

    Bucket lists are all about doing things before you kick off Planet Earth. But leading my $%^&-it list is…GROWING OLD! The digits that make up my age might increase, but I. Will. Never. Grow. Old.

    http://www.onegeekgirl.wordpress.com

  117. Erin Brambilla December 4, 2011 at 11:48 am #

    “8 ) Clean out that weird mess imbedded in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator” <–Me either! I think it used to be celery. Maybe carrots. Possibly peppers. I'm not really sure. E

  118. Svenska spel December 14, 2011 at 3:18 am #

    Hmm things i don’t want to do before i kick it.
    well i don’t want to keep my mouth shut when my boss does something incredible stupid like call tech support to help him delete a column in an excel spreadsheet.

    at the age of 40 I don’t want to have a 3rd heart attack from stress

    and I certainly don’t want to get tossed in jail and made to share a cell with a large man with the nickname of cuddles

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