Check out these tweets from Academy Awards Week:
Through Oscar High Holy Week, I will be tweeting the traditions of our religion.
Oscar Palm Sunday: The Triumphal entry of celebrities past regular diners at the Palm steakhouse.
Oscar Holy Tuesday: The Holy Reading of Bad Reviews of Movie Classics.
Oscar Holy Tuesday Afternoon: The Holy Reading of Rave Reviews of Movies Never Seen Again.
Oscar Holy Wednesday: The Ritual of the Scuffing of Soles of New Shoes to Prevent Slipping.
Oscar Holy Thursday: The Holy Reading of Presenters’ Banter from Oscars Past.
Oscar Holy Friday: The Holy Reading of the Grosses (On the first weekend, E.T. did take in….)
Oscar Holy Saturday: The Sacrifice of the Virgins. Oh wait, that takes place all through the year.
Oscar Holy Saturday: The Casting of the Seat Fillers.
Oscar Holy Sunday: Today you are forbidden to drive yourself.
Oscar Holy Sunday: The Ritual of the Wedging of the Spanks.
Oscar Holy Sunday: The Ritual Thanking of the Lord for Helping One Win and For Not Helping the Other Nominees.