Charities I’d Like To See

14 Nov

* Habitat for Hummus

Join the movement to salvage the scurrilous reputation of hummus – that much maligned chickpea pigeon poop paste that even rabid goats and war camp detainees won’t suck on if they are starving to death. So what if this trendy excuse for guano isn’t as nutritious as smoked bacon or French onion dip?

I say it’s compost and I say to hell with it!

Bottoms Up!

* MADT – Mothers Against Drunk Texting

This is captain obvious, but we all know how deadly serious this issue is.  Loose lips sink friendships. Friends don’t let friends drink and send.  Don’t just take the keys; take the keywords and the keyboards.  BTW OMG NO TM WEN BLOTTO BOOHOO TYVM

* Save the Nails

This 501(c)3 provides respectable manicures for the truly needy. For those who suffer from the heartbreak of sore, split, chipped, chewed, broken, jagged, anemic pathetic looking fingernails.

For those of you whose horny protrusions at the tips of your gnarly digits barely seem fit for scraping year old chewing gum off the gas station restroom floor, let alone for quality time with your Blackberry.

* The Red Floss

All donations to this health care initiative fund medical research aimed at curing bleeding gums when you floss.  Put an end to the horror you feel when you spit a mouthful of fire engine red blood into your sparkling white bathroom sink.

glub, glub

* The Make A Dish Foundation

A Le Cordon Bleu Chef will come to your home, plop you down in front of the TV with a chilled glass of Chardonnay and a fat jar of cocktail onions, then proceed to your kitchen where he/she will lovingly cook and serve you the five-star, gourmet meal of your salivary gland dreams.

Bon appetit!

* The Smile Train Wreck

Donations to this organization will bribe prominent cosmetic surgeons to risk their medical malpractice insurance ratings to try to correct that crooked smile on your loved one’s face. So what if you don’t have a cleft lip or cleft palate? (Think Dick Cheney!)

* Plant Parenthood

An education initiative that helps educate and rehabilitate those of us who lack a green thumb.

You know whom you are, you sad sacks who can’t keep a potted plant alive in your kitchen for more than a few days.

Heal the despair and low self-esteem that comes from not being trusted to take care of a measly houseplant.

credit:sirefinder.com

* Old McDonald House

Old McDonald House is a residential facility supervised by mental health practitioners where the extreme animal lover can heal their addiction to their four-legged, furry, foul-smelling friends.

Yes, it’s nice to have a dog or cat, but you have a problem if before you know it you’re hoarding animals in your studio apartment.

A rescue mutt here, a stray cat there, a sick puppy here and there, and – E-Eye-E-Eye-Oh – before you know it you’ve got a shipload of kitties, cockatoos, chickens, a pig, a pony and a five foot boa constrictor (he was so cute as a baby).

credit:Dorling Kindersley:DK Readers

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3 Responses to “Charities I’d Like To See”

  1. Karla Telega November 16, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

    I already support the March of Mimes: an organization devoted to rescuing street performers from glass boxes.

    • BARB BEST November 17, 2010 at 1:14 pm #

      Thank you Karla, one of my favorites! Mimes need our help.

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  1. Tweets that mention Charities I’d Like To See « Barbs Blast -- Topsy.com - November 15, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Barb Best, Barb Best. Barb Best said: Barb to You Charities I'd Like To See – * MADT Mothers Against Drunk Texting This is captain obvious, but we all kn… http://ow.ly/19YlIe […]

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